Expensive Sentences. Debunking the Common Myths That Derail Decisions and Sabotage Success by Jack Quarles

Author:Jack Quarles
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 978-1-940858-28-9
Publisher: IdeaPress
Published: 2016-11-01T00:00:00+00:00

Trust Is Not All-or-Nothing

We are prone to use a broad brush when speaking about trust. We say things like “he’s in a position of trust” or “I trust her implicitly” or “I would trust you with my life.” On the negative side, we proclaim that we’ll “never trust them again” or “I wouldn’t trust him farther than I can throw him” or “you can’t trust that guy.”

These phrases do not serve us well. They imply that trust is monolithic and binary: someone either deserves every kind of trust all of the time or is never worthy of any kind of trust. That might be how we feel, particularly as we endure painful consequences of broken trust. But in reality there is more nuance to trust.

We naturally apply circumstances to trust when we award it to others. For example, I might trust the chef at the local diner to make a beautiful Greek salad, but I wouldn’t trust him to watch my toddler for an afternoon. I may trust my father with my finances and even my life, but not trust him to pick out a necktie that matches his shirt. My pastor might be trusted to dispense reliable wisdom about raising children, but I wouldn’t let him try to remove my appendix. (You get the idea.)

Context matters. Trust must be qualified: whom do we trust to do what, in which situations, and how far does that trust extend? Declarations that someone either can’t be trusted or should always be trusted are false absolutes that may become Expensive Sentences. In fact, nearly every relationship is characterized by both trust and lack of trust in different areas.

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